The expensive red polo t-shirt, blue jeans that matched with white rubber shoes left you staring, leave alone the sweet smell of his perfume. “I know this smell….it must be Gucci or fantasy” I even told myself.
Consequently, I unwillingly found myself turning to see the type of the vehicle he was driving. Oh, I forgot to tell you it was in a parking lot. As he walked past me swinging the car keys, I thought “this is the guy! Who is the man? He is the man”. Guess what? You hit the nail on the head. He opened a land rover sports and quickly drove off disappearing from my sight.
You bear me witness that you also spotted such kind of a “gentleman” or a lady splashy living the December life. Isn’t it? Before you curse me, let me clearly say that am not against such especially if you worked hard and saved throughout the year for festive expenditures.
Well, we don’t have to count the things (more so money or even better loans) that people borrow to leave a legacy during December. You know? Hired cars, suits to even handbags and jewelleries. Ladies are we together? Seriously, how will upcountry pals know “watu wa Nairobi wamekuja”
With that said and done lets now wake up to reality which is; January is here! Actually congrats are in order for being able to survive the first half. But can I share some secrets of how some Kenyans are doing to make it through these 80 days months?
- AUCTION MANENOS
It’s actually not a very pleasant word to hear or come across, especially when you know you are heavily in debt. This is because you could easily lose your hard-earned valuables at a very cheap cost.
However, it’s a way of getting school fees, rent and some shopping to push you through to the earnestly awaited payday. You just take your big 52″ inch flat screen TV to rehani (along with the original receipts, sign a copy of documents promising to pay back (usually with high interests), and you instantly become rich. Sounds good? Well, not until you fail to pay on time. You know what happens. Don’t you?
- LOAN APPS
“How great thou art, how great thou art” this is not a hymn but a sigh of relief to many during this hard times. Now we got some good news! In case you didn’t know, now you know. Recently loan apps are cropping up every dawn that check your CRB status then deposit cash (LOAN) in your Mpesa account almost immediately. “Now that is music to my soul” I know many of you must be thinking. Lest you forget to pay on time then be ready to get a hundred texts and even calls from your lenders. I bet you will want to throw your phone deep down the ocean…or swimming pool depending on where you reside.
- M PESA LIES!
“Hello…happy new year! Hey we’ve not talked in a while…yeah.Yeah? No no no ..aki sio ivo..haha..okay, my dear I was wondering kama you have 1 k in your m pesa right now unitumie, then zangu zikitumwa around 2 jioni nikurefund…ehe..kuna mtu ako na doh zangu na anatuma by 2..pleeease..”
That is a typical Kenyan conversation going down between ‘friends’ and one that is very likely during the 1st month.
Iam not saying you shouldn’t help a friend out but woe unto you if you do with the expectations of getting a refund by 2? In this case, 2 means after two months. That’s around March or April, probably.
God bless the landlords and landladies. You are a great blessing because you provide a roof on top of our heads, obviously at a fee! In as much as you make life better, some lords and ladies make life a living hell for their tenants around end months. But today am not into you, my bad!
On the contrary, today am here for you. It’s evident that many of your tenants give you real stress on issues money for the 1st and 2nd month of the year. “Am sorry but nmepewa transfer to Moyale so ntakalia deposit”…that means he/she won’t be paying the rent for the month. Only to pay rent by the end of the month and change the statement. What a shame.
- THE FORGOTTEN SAVIOUR-KIBANDA
So during the just outlived holiday you assumed the kibanda guy and even changed your route! Huh…you then became a frequent, esteemed and honored visitor of classy hotels. Get this now. The party is over, yes the..Party..is..Over!
Whether you like it or not you are going back to your normal menu:
Breakfast – mandazi mbili moto @ 20
Lunch – chapati madondo/ chapo surwa @ 30
4 o’clock snack – mahindi choma @ 10
Supper – ugali chafua @ 40
Please help me calculate the daily total food expenditure as I search one for December for comparison!!!!!!